Issue 19 Transcript / Published June 2026 / Approx reading time: 7 minutes

The Crowborough Crusader

Issue 19 – June 2026

Dignified and Respectful: The Counter-Protesters' Silent Remembrance

By Ron Peepers

Every Remembrance Sunday the nation comes together for a two-minute silence. It is a simple act of respect; a brief moment of soundless contemplation in recognition of those who are no longer with us.

On Sunday, the 7th of June, on the Piazza in the high street, a group of people holding unbranded signs promoting kindness and unity showed the same dignified respect to the passing of a young man who had been murdered on the streets of Southampton. Silence and contemplation.

Simultaneously an alternative moment of remembrance was being observed by the regular Sunday marchers.

In recent weeks, tensions between the marchers and counter-protesters have become increasingly apparent. AI-generated songs have been used in an attempt to ridicule; marchers have slowed their progress when passing to intimidate, and some participants have deliberately inserted themselves amongst the opposing group. Insults have been thrown out, whilst banners have at times been positioned in front of those advocating peace, creating both disruption and opportunities for content for their social media.

This week was like no other in terms of their behaviour.

AI songs were played with lyrics that mentioned the murder and undermined the police. The very same medium used as a device for mockery every week.

The march slowed down in front of the piazza, in front of the counter-protesters, as it does every week but this time stopped entirely.

Whilst holding branded flags and banners associated with the anti-asylum marches, one speaker took to the microphone and told the town that this week was not about them or the protests but the death of a young man.

He then proceeded to passive-aggressively suggest that if the counter-protesters wanted to be kind this week, then they would join them in a minute’s clap.

A minute’s clap, which would be entirely disrespectful for the silence the counter-protesters wished to observe.

A location where the marchers routinely slow to taunt those who express nothing more than positivity.

A moment chosen in which they could use a man’s death to advance their vilification of a group who disagrees with them.

The grieving father’s press statement this week expressed:

“We do not want his death to be used to create further division, hatred or tension.”

Words that appeared to go unheard.


Crowborough Beware! Arrange Shadowing Opportunity After Mistaken Allegation

By Ron Peepers

On the 5th of June, Crowborough Beware! issued a statement claiming that they were aware that there had been a video circulating social media mistakenly accusing a local construction company of employing an asylum seeker as a road maintenance worker.

A video that they themselves had reshared and commented on.

The man in question is a qualified civil engineer in his country of origin and was, in fact, visiting the site because a charity had approached the company and arranged for him to shadow their crew to see how roadwork is carried out here in the UK – a progressive idea which The Crowborough Crusader supports.

Perry Noid, leader of Crowborough Beware!, explains:

“This has been a most unfortunate occurrence, as it has risked our professional reputation within Crowborough.

Members of the public should be double-checking their evidence before sending it to us to blindly distribute across our social media.

Which is why Crowborough Beware! offers no apology and considers the matter satisfactorily resolved, having officially conveyed the truth of the situation.

Additionally, shame on you for raising our hopes that we had uncovered a major community concern when, in reality, we were forced to report something completely reasonable.”

As part of the condition of their retraction of the video, Crowborough Beware! have been approached by the same charity and have reluctantly agreed for an asylum seeker who is an actual qualified police officer in his country to shadow them for the week as they conduct their patrols.


Pounds for Patriotism as Merry-Sons Trial New Recycling Scheme for Crowborough

By Ron Peepers

Set to come into place in October 2027, the deposit return scheme will see a deposit of around 20p be placed on each eligible container to be returned to the customer when the packaging has been brought back to the store.

Always looking to innovate, Merry-Sons Supermarkets have begun trialling a deposit scheme where 30p is to be paid back for every England and Union flag posted into the receptacle.

The flags are then dry-cleaned, pressed, and sold back to manufacturers, ready to be purchased once again by eager patriots.

This provides a triple-pronged service to the community:

The deposit bank can be found between the lift and the customer toilets.

Terms and Conditions Apply

Eligible flags are limited to the St George’s Cross and Union Flag. No football club flags, cartoon-themed flags, pirate flags, novelty flags, county flags, garden flags, beach towels being passed off as flags, or other unsuitable items will be accepted. Management reserves the right to determine what constitutes a flag.


Surprising Visitor to the Ashdown Forest Recorded by Local Bird Enthusiasts

The Ashdown Forest recently featured on BBC Springwatch after a rare breeding pair of honey buzzards chose the forest as the site of their nest, causing much excitement amongst Crowborough’s bird lovers.

Many have wrongly guessed that the honey buzzards chose the Ashdown Forest in search of Pooh Bear’s legendary treasure trove of honeypots. In reality they get their name from their diet, which mainly consists of wasp and bee larvae.

Local conservationists have pointed out that having the birds on our doorstep is a sure sign of a healthy environment and often indicates a thriving ecosystem.

Keen twitcher Willy Spottam explains further:

“With wasp larvae in good supply, we’ve got two honey buzzards, which tends to attract Chris Packham or a similar species of wildlife presenter such as a Strachan.

Once established, Packhams often draw in camera crews, newspaper articles and the occasional mention on The One Show.

If conditions remain favourable, the increased media activity can sustain a healthy population of natural history journalists and documentary makers.

In exceptional years, when the habitat is just right, it is even possible to attract the rare and noble Attenborough.

That really would be the dream — to see one in the wild.”


Crowborough Woman Left Crestfallen As Sketches Proven Not To Be Van Goghs

One afternoon whilst rummaging in the attic, Olive Overeer, from Bridger Way, stumbled upon a handful of crude sketches of flowers and thought nothing of it until noticing that one of the drawings contained an image of the world-famous Sunflowers with the name ‘Vincent Van Gogh’ written faintly in the bottom corner.

Curious to know about its origin, Olive contacted the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam, who sent out an authenticator promptly to identify the validity of the piece in question.

Unfortunately, all three methods of analysing the artwork concluded that it was not, in fact, an undiscovered Van Gogh.

1) Connoisseurship

Regrettably, the piece did not display the same style and fluidity displayed in some of his earlier works.

2) Physical Examination

Although not a print, the sketch has been made with an HB pencil, and Van Gogh favoured a knife-sharpened, chunky carpenter’s pencil.

3) Provenance Investigation

When asked whether Ms Overeer had any connection to Van Gogh, his estate or to the Netherlands, she replied that she couldn’t think of any at all.

In fact, the only memory she has of anything to do with Van Gogh was in Year 5, when pupils were shown a picture of Sunflowers and encouraged to create their own version, to which the discovered sketch bore an uncanny resemblance.

When contacted by the museum, her former teacher Mrs Stapleton confirmed that the instruction to write “Vincent Van Gogh” in the corner had been given specifically because several children kept handing in pictures labelled “That Flower Man”.


Letters to the Editor

Star Letter – Earl E. Starter

Crowborough is so well prepared we’ve had the England flags up 6 months in advance of the World Cup.

Kitty Whisperer

I wish I could understand what my cat was saying. Unfortunately, she speaks French and I don’t.

Phil M. Buff

Legendary silent film star Buster Keaton died in 1966. Does this make him a Ghostbuster?

Maureen Soreen

I’ve heard of a forklift truck but never a spoon-lift one. Makes you think!


Notices

The Shielded Crows Book Release

In a last-ditch attempt to raise funds for the High Court case, we have decided we’ll be selling books highlighting all the good old times we’ve had together most Sundays since October 2025.

Who wouldn’t want a coffee table book filled with bright, glossy pictures of some of Crowborough’s brightest and bravest patriots doing what they love?

The price is reassuringly expensive, especially if you want to have included a dedication to a loved one.

There’s also the added convenience of paying for it upfront now and receiving it sometime in September... perhaps?

Louise Smorrals MP for Sussex and Weald

I was delighted to hear that The Shielded Crows are producing a commemorative book chronicling the marches.

On the one hand, it would be wonderful to have my contribution to public life preserved for future generations.

On the other hand, should the political winds continue to shift, having photographic evidence of my attendance permanently bound into a hardback volume may prove less advantageous career-wise.

As such, I have ordered two copies and reserved the right to deny owning either of them.

Ron Peepers

Due to the nature of this week’s front-page story, Ken Decoupage’s investigation into declining Sunday march numbers has been postponed until next week.

Vouchers For Schools

Is anybody else collecting vouchers for schools at the moment?

If so, how many do we need before we’re given the deeds to a mainstream comprehensive?

Hashbrown Radio

Hashbrown Radio would like to apologise for a technical hiccough which resulted in the same Phil Collins song being played seven times in a row during the Friday drive-time show.

Although some listeners expressed that they enjoyed the opportunity to perfect the drum solo on their steering wheels – labelling it our best show yet – we shall resume regular programming from Monday.


A Little Raya Flight

Big-hearted stories from the heart of our small town.

By Raya Flight

Last Christmas, I was gifted, quite generously might I add, a Kindle by a friend of mine, but rather ashamedly I haven’t taken it out of its packet – or charged it even once.

I absolutely love reading and I will quite happily while away the occasional weekend by devouring a decent book, but I’ve never really got to grips with reading electronically. It just doesn’t feel right to me.

Give me a dog-eared page, the feel of the paper, and the sharpness of the ink over a digital screen any day because, in some ways, half the enjoyment of reading is getting away from the constant presence of technology.

Reading is its own little timeless sanctuary from the modern world.

Whether it’s paperback or hardback, a good book is something you want to share and talk about with others.

Well, I think I may just have found the perfect place to do exactly that.

High Broom Care Home is running a community book swap event on the 16th of June, inviting people to come along with their pre-read, pre-loved books to drop off and share with others and perhaps pick up a replacement or two.

There is free tea, coffee, and cake on offer too as well as an opportunity to have a chinwag with a few of the residents that may be able to point me in the direction of my next read.

With no need to book in advance, you can casually turn up from 11am if you happen to be lucky enough to have a day off on that Tuesday and take part in what seems to be a fantastic community engagement project.

The problem won’t be getting me there; it will be peeling myself away from the allure of refreshments, a big comfy chair and good company and snapping me out of the world of a new book.

Oh, I wonder if there will be someone there that could benefit from a brand new Kindle?

Anyway, if you have been hoarding away a decent read and you have a Tuesday going spare on the 16th, then you know where you should be heading – to the Community Book Swap at High Broom Care Home.

Further dates include 21st July, 18th August and 15th September.


Final Thought

Ron Peepers

In recent weeks it has been truly marvellous to see such a resurgence of nature all around us, from the beavers beyond the borough in Uckfield to the honey buzzards on Ashdown Forest to our very own capybaras munching their way through the overgrown verges. Foxes with cubs, deer in the forest, and birds and butterflies populating the skies all show that nature isn’t just doing alright; it’s thriving.

With this optimism, and perhaps a touch of over-sentimentality, I believe that we as the people of Crowborough will bounce back and thrive again too. That, sooner rather than later, our energies will be spent finding cooperative solutions to disagreements rather than swaggering like peacocks, snarling at one another like lions, or name-calling like badly trained parrots.

However, come Wednesday at 9pm, all differences will be put aside, and we’ll all be rooting for the same thing — an England win.

And if you’re not a fan of the football, you can always be a fan of the harmony.

Next Issue: Saturday 20th June

Plus more from: Raya Flight, Town Notices, Our Streets: Photo of the Week and Puzzletime!